Why I can't stay silent

If baking a cake for an LGBTQ couple goes against your moral code but baking a cake for a heterosexual couple where one of them has been married before, or they're already cohabitating, or they occasionally go out and get drunk on a weekend doesn't inspire the same type of outrage...your moral code is a disguise for something else

If you march in the streets and preach on Facebook in opposition to abortion on the basis of your moral code but fall silent when talks of comprehensive sex education, a better healthcare system, access to birth control, better parental leave options, and reform of the foster care and adoption systems come up...your moral code is missing something

If you believe a sex scandal involving an intern shows a fault in moral leadership that must be applied to governmental leadership but swallow the words "I moved on her like a bitch...grabbed her by the pussy" because the other option is so much worse...your concern is neither with morals or leadership

Why do I keep harping on certain things over and over again? Why do I seem so angry and unable to keep silent? I'm only now unpacking some of these feelings but at the heart of it lies a sadness that at times threatens to overwhelm me. It feels like the very people that taught me how to speak are now speaking another language. Not only that, they are angry at me for continuing to speak the very language they taught me. Constantly warned as a child of the dangers of moral relativism; of compromising my beliefs, I am now scorned for pointing out that very problem when it is staring me right in the face. I am met with either utter silence, a rolling of the eyes, or told I'm living my faith incorrectly. 

Sometimes I want to give up and leave. You wanted your king? You got him. Enjoy. But something won't let me throw in the towel. Not just for the ones outside of our enclave. The ones for whom it is more important than ever to show that not all of us think the same. No, it's not just for them. More important than them are the ones under my roof. In my family. I know for some of you it would be easier if I just shut up. Went away. Left you alone. Embraced my shitty theology somewhere far away where you can't see or hear me. But I can't do that. You don't get to co opt Jesus anymore than I do. Vote how you want. Believe what you want. But know that when you throw the veneer of my Savior over a foundation that is in danger of collapsing under it's own hypocrisy...I'll have something to say about that. 

Not because I'm perfect. But because of how imperfect I am. I get it wrong way more than I get it right. And I pray every day that when I get it wrong, that my heart would always stay open to the ones who by the leading of the Holy Spirit, point me back in the direction I'm supposed to go. That when I'm deeply asleep in the light, the ones who are shouting for me to wake up won't get tired or frustrated or so angry they give up on me. Even when I pushed them away...they kept coming back. They wouldn't leave me alone. They wouldn't stop talking. 

Thank God

Truly...thank you Jesus.

His prompting both in my heart and in their minds to keep talking have saved me time and time again from my own hypocrisy. For all the times they didn't leave me...how could I now leave them? I'm not talking to the ones who claim no moral authority over their lives. That's not my experience...my house. I'm talking to the ones in my house. Jesus said there are two commandments the entire law hang on; "Love the Lord your God with all you heart, soul, mind, and strength." and "Love your neighbor as yourself."

As yourself

We've got to wake up. We've got to get our house in order. Our very souls depend on it. 

 

Janelle SaaybeComment