What You'll Miss
You'll miss the songs. The way the music will wash over you. The drumbeat hammering inside your chest. The melodies floating on air to your ears. The words soothing your weary soul.
You'll miss the sound of the Scripture being read aloud. The tone and inflection of the speaker imparting the importance of what is being said more than what you could do by just reading them silently in your head.
You'll miss the routine of it all. How the day is exactly the same on a macro level but different enough on a micro level to keep you from being bored. Knowing exactly where you'll be not just on this Sunday morning but every Sunday morning to come.
You'll miss the people. Miss their smiles. Their inquiring about your life. Their love and support. You'll miss their love for you. It will feel like a hole in your soul. Because it is. We weren't built to do life alone. From the moment when life was first breathed into us the creator looked and said
"Not good. Not yet. We need another. "
You'll miss the certainty that came before. When you were utterly convinced what you believed and why. When you knew the answers. The comfort that knowing gave you.
You'll miss the you that came before. When you knew who you were. You were a person who went to church. Who believed in the love of Jesus. Who craved the fellowship of his Church. Who volunteered as much of your time as you could because you loved your people and the goals you were working on together gave you purpose and direction.
You'll miss your imperfect family. They drive you crazy. With their inability to practice what they preach. But oh they knew how to love you. Imperfectly yes, but with all their hearts. They got it wrong sometimes. So did you. But you held onto each other tightly, certain that though you didn't always understand each other you always loved each other. You still love them. They still love you. You just don't like each other very much right now.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. And you know that better than anyone. The things that drove you away seem less important the further away you get. So you try to go back. And each step you take the things you didn't miss get louder. Until you remember the truth. That as much as you miss it. You can't go back.
Not right now
For now you have to spend some time alone with the one who called you into community first. Let him heal your heart and mind. Let him speak words of love and comfort. Pouring his living water over the dry and thirsty ground of your soul. Your cup will overflow. And out of that overflow will come strength. Strength to walk back. Strength to struggle together on the issues that divide you.
Strength to embrace all that you've been missing